Sadistic Granny

Posted: November 5, 2014 in Blog, Chores, Grandma, Humor, Marriage, Musings, Parenting, Parents, Rants, Women
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Grandma pinches your ear. Hard.

“Ow, Grandma, that kinda hurt.”

Grandma: THAT DIDN’T HURT! SEE?

Proceeds to pinch ear harder this time around to prove the first one didn’t hurt, NEARLY as bad.

“Yeah, that still hurts, Grandma!”

Grandma: WIMP!

———————–

You’re minding your own business while sitting on a stool.

Grandma comes along behind you and smacks your butt really hard.

“Ow, Grandma! That hurt!”

Grandma: That was a love tap! IT DIDN’T HURT! SEE?

Proceeds to smack your butt 117 times harder.

You fall off the stool clutching your behind while whimpering.

Grandma: WUSS!

————————-

20 years later, Grandma can’t walk so good and uses a walker with wheels and a seat.

She comes up behind you while you’re making stuffing for Thanksgiving.

Her way.

(It’s always so gross).

She rams her walker into the back of your legs, not once, not twice, but 5 times.

She finally fractures your tibia the long way around and you grasp the counter in pain.

“JESUS GOD, GRANDMA, WHY? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CAUSE ME PAIN?”

(My dad, the son-in-law, looks at me with understanding, along with my mother who is biting her tongue so hard there’s a bloodpool on the floor.)

Grandma: DAMMIT KID, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST PUSSY ON THE PLAN-….voice stops abruptly, she has a heart attack and dies right there.

Ok, that’s not how it ends…it ends with you lying on the floor in a fetal position while Grandma repeatedly runs you over going in forward AND reverse.

AND IT HURTS!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s